Life on the Outside

It’s only natural to want to fit in to the spaces you occupy, but as for me, I’ve never really fit in anywhere. I don’t fit into any mold and I can’t be defined by any one thing. Growing up, I wanted to fit in and be accepted, but I did not fit in to my extended family and although I made friends, I never really fit in with them either.

 I do wonder what’s it’s like to feel like you belong somewhere. The only place where I somewhat fit was in my first real job. I had a good work ethic and I was able to cultivate relationships and connections with some of my coworkers. But overall, I pretty much live life on the outside.

 I think differently than most people and that led me to losing some friendships along the way. I’d pick up on shady behavior toward me because I operated differently. My mind doesn’t work like other peoples, and although I have the capacity to understand the way other people think, I often feel misunderstood when it comes to what I think or the actions I take.

It’s not ideal, but I wish I could’ve realized the value in living life on the outside a bit sooner in life. I wish I would’ve realized that it’s okay to be alone sometimes, and I wish that I’d used that time to explore me more and really cultivate my personal interests and hobbies.

I guess that’s the biggest lesson for me – that it’s okay to live life on the outside because it gives you the opportunity to immerse yourself in the things most important to you and to find yourself for yourself.

Cortney Alexandria