My Journey through Spirituality

My relationship with God is the most important relationship in my life. I haven’t always been close to Him, but I’ve come to know that this relationship is vital to my life and well-being. God is everything to me.

I grew up in the Church as Christian with faith-based teachings. I can’t say that I was the closest to Him while I was growing up or that I truly knew what it meant to have a relationship with Him, but I’ve definitely learned along the way.  

Up until college, I would say that I had a casual relationship with God. It was a relationship that I had not of my own accord, but one I had because it was what I was taught and grew up with. In college, a series of life events caused me to question God and Christianity. I questioned the validity of the Bible and its teachings. I questioned how could Jesus be the only way, the truth and the light when there were so many other beautiful religions in the world with beautiful people with beautiful souls. I couldn’t believe that all the beautiful people I had met would be damned to Hell because they had a belief system that did not revolve around Jesus, so I decided to turn away.

I turned away, but life continued to be life. I faced challenges, I faced obstacles. I found myself crying almost every day. I’d faced many battles and overcome them. Then things started happening in my life that I couldn’t attribute to anything but a higher power looking out for me. I’d bought a journal from a coworker that had Bible verses at the top of each page. Slowly, I started reading these verses and slowly I started to realize that I needed Jesus back in my life. But for some reason, even though I’d decided this, it didn’t 100% resonate.

I knew there was a God, I knew that I needed to follow him, but I didn’t know if Christianity was the way. So I turned to Spirituality.

 Through Spirituality, I became more connected to God than I had ever been. I could feel His presence. I could talk to Him and commune with Him in ways I didn’t even know were possible. It felt so good to be in His presence. He was leading me and guiding me in various areas of life, and it was amazing.

 I continued to go through life, and I continued to explore. I dabbled in astrology and Tarot. I dabbled with Tao and Buddhist teachings. It was never my intention to take these things on as my own, but I had an interest in learning about them. I had an interest in learning about various teachings just because I wanted to know what was out there. I thought that all the ways we could possibly be connected to God were beautiful, and learning about them was a beautiful experience.

 I dabbled in various forms of spirituality, not wholly knowing what I was getting into. Ultimately, I think I took on too much. So much that that coupled with other life stressors landed me into the hospital. Not my most prideful moment, but it’s a part of my story.

After a stint in the hospital, I just decided to do away with everything. I wasn’t much into Spirituality, Christianity, or anything. And I went through life like this for a good while.

 Life’s circumstances continued to bombard me and I knew I needed help outside of myself. I slowly started delving back into Spirituality. As I was doing this, I realized that I needed to be closer to God. I wanted a better and more fulfilling relationship with Him. And out of all the things I had studied, I realized I needed to go back to my roots. I needed to return back to my foundation. I needed to return back to Jesus.

 Although I had realized this, I didn’t want to necessarily label myself as Christian because I wasn’t looking for religion, I was looking for relationship. I wanted to study Jesus to get to know Him just as I had done with other religions on my exploration journey. It was like discovering Christ for the first time.

 My journey through Spirituality was important for me. It allowed me to get to know God without restriction or the self-imposed judgement that can sometimes come with religion. In high school, someone shared with me the concept that there were many doors that we could possibly go through, representing the various religions, but they all led to one God. This conflicts with the beliefs of many Christians because they believe there is only one way. But I have to believe that there are many because the level of connectedness that I experienced during my exploration journey was unmatched.

 As I’ve grown, I’ve developed the desire to have a closer relationship with God and I am choosing to have that relationship through Jesus. I think the story of Jesus is beautiful and the way that God shows us He loves us through Him.

 I will say that it’s been quite the beautiful experience learning to have respect for other religions and spiritual modalities while returning home to my own. I still have questions, but I trust that I’ll find the answers. For now, I am thankful for God’s saving grace. I’m thankful for Him accepting me and for being able to return to His loving arms. He holds me, He carries me, He guides me. The difference between me now and when I was growing up is that this time, I’m making the conscious decision to choose Him both with my mind and my heart.

Cortney Alexandria